Mr Mother Fudger told me this week if I don’t choose Christmas presents online, he’s not buying them. He said venturing into the city makes his want to vomit. He works in the city. In fact, every working day he ventures into the city to buy a lunch I then moan at him about because quite frankly it isn’t an adequate amount of his five-a-day. The list has actually included bread and dripping sandwiches and a Belgian bun. Yes, I’m taking on the role of his mother. It’s the cliche of being a wife. This is how I like to feel my over controlling, bossy persona takes its form in our marriage.
This announcement isn’t new. He’s pretty much said this for years. So has my sister, who I think really hasn’t ventured into any city for years. She got close, then had to venture back to the motherland of the country and take off her avian flu mask.
So for weeks my side of the family has been bouncing around online weblinks to potential presents via email. I wouldn’t mind, but my usual organised nature has screwed up and now I’m going to have to trawl through hundreds of messages in my inbox and sent items to find out what I told my family and Mr MF’s family.
Three years ago I ended up with three copies of River Cottage DVDs. I need to complete this task. I want gifts.
Mr MF will ask for books. Every birthday or Christmas it’s the same. As someone who loves the written word I should celebrate this. His ability and speed to read is really quite something. He learnt Latin last year, just for something to do and devoured over book after book. While throwing my guts up during the early stages of pregnancy it really was a sight to behold. I thought I should book more hair appointments so I could read Reveal and have hate thoughts about thin celebrity women.
In fact, I have barely finished a book this year. I’m not proud, it annoys me. Yeah, baby, birth, newborn, toddler and all that aside. I should give this past time more time. I have a Kindle and a big pile of books next to my bed that I STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED.
You will notice a large amount of child-related literature. Maybe that’s my problem. When the little munchkins are in bed I’m not sure I want to then read about parenting. In fact I cancelled my Pregnancy and Parenting subscription this month.
So yet again, my 2014 New Year’s Resolution will be to read more.
But for now I need to read through all these bloody emails and find out what I actually what I’ve already asked for.