The Mother Fudger training programme

At a recent hair appointment I decided to try a side parting. The hairdresser said “you will need to train your hair every day”. Every morning it still refuses to accept it’s new position.

This is similar to Mr Mother Fudger’s position on sharing domestic duties. He’s on a training programme and has been on a training programme since we moved in together. Actually, since we started seeing each other and I used to highlight his man failings at the overflowing ashtrays, washing basket and general rankness of his bachelor pad.

Six years on, he has made a lot of progress, but we’re not there yet. Tonight, after baths, bedtimes, washing up, the daily toy mountain management, I said “right, now we just need to hoover”. Following a 14-year-old stylee groan, he said “but we don’t, bloody hell, it’s fine” to which I started highlighting the insane amount of rice under the table and the general grot across our ever shameful carpet. How can he still not see the grime? I just don’t get it. How, when there is mess everywhere can he sit and relax? How can dirty bathrooms be ignored or washing in the machine overseen? Just beyond me. I shouldn’t moan, he is an extremely loving, supportive and wonderful husband who puts up with a lot of nagging from me, but he still has many modules to complete:

*Washing up – don’t fear it (completed)

*Relentless laundry and how to cover the basics (repeated fails)

*Hoovering – yes, this is a daily task with children (minimal success. Module to be retaken)

*Sometimes it is good to have OCD [this module relates to toy management and why throwing majority of toys into one big mountain doesn’t cover the issue] (planned for the summer term)

*Cooking and ways not to kill the children through spice (failure to attend). Please note this includes a compulsory module: potato waffles and why they are not five-a-day for the family

*A step-by-step guide in finding the laundry basket (continual progress)

*Family finances aren’t just managed by one member of the “team” (ignoring the request to attend)

*The geography of the family bins: how to find them, empty them and rebag them (as above)

But I appreciate I am too on a training programme and also need to complete my own modules in the ongoing fight against domestic slavery:

*Nagging and how to stop (reluctant attendance)

*Calling yourself the “project manager” to his “staff” may not bode well (currently taking)

*Control freaks and how to admit you can’t let go, with particular attention to: there is more than one way to complete a task (ignoring request to attend).

So we crack on in this wonderful world of marriage, parenting and domestic bliss. On a positive, we’ve booked a couple of days away without the kids. I can’t wait and neither can Mr Mother Fudger. Note: I researched and booked it though!

Advertisements

One thought on “The Mother Fudger training programme

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s