The undermullet

When my boy baby was three months I started losing hair. Not crazy hairbrush filling amounts that would prompt scared looks in the mirror if I was in a soap opera, but the usual post-baby loss. It had happened with my daughter and I didn’t notice a huge difference to how my exceptionally fine lifeless hair looked. I wasn’t aware anyone was pointing or gasping at the sight of me, but I did buy a shitload of hairspray and thickening shampoo.

Now nearly a year on, I realise just how much hair I must’ve lost because I have an undermullet. An undermullet that is quite frankly hideous. It’s like a neck fringe of fuzzy tufts and has in fact been commented on. Great. You think after pre-pregnancy periods of body preparation (losing weight, taking folic acid, being aware of your cycles), 9 months of what in my case was sickness-ridden ballooning (and I got away lightly compared to some), then squeezing out an 8lb 1oz baby from your loins, followed by nipple carnage, hormonal meltdowns, sleep torture and more weight loss you would be free. But no, apparently my body is still overcoming the joys of motherhood. 

A friend told me she has tufts that never grew anymore. She had her daughter three years ago. 

If my undermullet just stops here, I shall look like I hanker to be in a 1980s Euro pop group, or that I thought it was a good idea to have an undercut a year ago then rapidly grew it out, because a) they just look hideous and b) I am 35 and have accepted there are some lines that should not be crossed. The “you’re too old for bunches in your spare time” line is still being crossed to my own mockery. 

I have booked a hair appointment. I am at a loss how to tackle this beast. Maybe this is the soul reason people have an undercut? I shall report back. 


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