My finger is no longer on the pulse

Apparently fugly means fucking ugly, there are three new bars in the city I love that I’ve never been to, and everyone’s been watching The Fall without me.

I wouldn’t know these things because I have children. You know when people say “oh children don’t have to change anything”. My best friend even said she would go travelling with kids. How I laugh. They change EVERYTHING. And that includes your knowledge of what is new, fresh, oh so now.

Last month I actually had to ask a work colleague what Wolf Hall was. She laughed. Don’t fucking laugh – while you’ve been living in the now I’ve been scraping shit off a toddler’s arse crack and wiping up more food off the table than the child has ingested.

Parenting is nuts.

It takes up every single drop of time you have. Every single iota of energy, of motivation, of drive.

This isn’t a moan, this is fact.

Jesus they are gorgeous little babies I made. I made them. While the evolutionary journey was continuing and I was procreating my concentration has been diverted.

This is OK. Tbh I am disappointed by most of the offering’s of today. Game of Thrones – rapey and predictable. Instagram – OTT stylised pictures of people who wear clothes from the past and use technology of the future. Wolf Hall – how dull is that book/programme.

So screw you 2015, I’m more than happy reliving my 20s and the noughties while I lap up my time with the kids.

Anon, probably for another month before I muster up the energy I can to type again.

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One thought on “My finger is no longer on the pulse

  1. HIlarious! Really made me laugh with this one … it does get easier as they get a little bigger but by then you’ll probably be parenting me!

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