My political fiery self has gone; the election is meaningless to me

I am trying to watch an election debate. It’s on the TV. Twitter is up, because you can’t just watch TV anymore, it has to be complemented by social media ffs. But I am completely glazed over. The lights are on, but no one is home.

Mr MotherFudger is commenting about the MPs’ remarks and I’m nodding and saying “yes….no…..hmmm I agree” but in all honesty I haven’t a clue what they’re all talking about.

What the fuck has happened to me? My pre-child self would be fighting the big fight, getting down and dirty with the debate. Throwing forthright arguments back to Mr MF.

I just keep having immature and inappropriate thoughts about the candidates. My brain has gone to mush. I am pissing myself off to be honest.

I have just thought the following:

  • Is the woman in grey wearing a one-piece or is that actually a dress and jacket? The material is almost seamless.
  • Has Ed Miliband used self tan?
  • Although I basically hate him, Nigel Farrage has bloody brilliant skin for his age, especially for a smoker.
  • Who dressed Nigel Farrage? He’s wearing a pale blue shirt, red badly patterned tie and dated shiny suit.
  • I love Welsh accents. Maybe I’ll vote Plaid Cymru.
  • Where is Cleggy?
  • What happened to Robert Kilroy Silk? Does he lurk in the UKIP background?
  • I liked Kilroy of a morning.
  • How much hairspray has Nicola Sturgeon got on her barnet?

Shit. What has happened to me?

Someone save me from myself.

…..I have just used the word “referendum” to Mr MF. I might just throw in political phrases as if I have Tourette’s from now until 7 May to cover myself. That’s my plan…..”austerity”…….”tactical”…….”EU”…….

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