I don’t want my son to grow up

Several weeks ago we received the letter informing us we need to apply for the boychild’s school place.

I was expecting its arrival and obviously was highly aware that next September he will start school.

Although I have until January to apply, I know which school is our first choice as it’s the same one the girlchild goes to (which I’m very happy with). Applying for his place is merely a 10-minute job I could do, cross off the list and crack on with the rest of thousand of daily chores I have to do.

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Yet there’s something stopping me filling in the form. Every time I go to do it, I just can’t. but maybe think it’s because I just don’t want to.

There are many moments in my week when I think how fabulous it will be when he’s at school with his sister:

  • No more separate drop offs. Currently a working day can mean dropping off the girlchild to breakfast club at 7.45am, travelling miles out of my way to take the boychild to meet his grandparents before I have to head onto work. Just one drop would be a big ole sigh of relief for us all.
  • More me time. Hell yes – those free week days when I don’t do paid work will mean I can kick arse at domestic duties – batch cook, clean the house, have a nap (shh don’t tell Mr MF) and possibly even write that book I desperately want to.
  • I can plan really fun stuff to do with the kids when they’re home. Crafts at the moment – pah. When the hell can I plan this stuff with the feral smalls under my feet? The other day we did Skittle rainbows and I basically felt like I’d won at mummying. Imagine when they’re at school – I can set up craft activities for when they’re back. Ooo the dream.

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  • I can go for coffee and not fear the ticking timebomb of when the boychild will get bored or do a Usain Bolt around a cafe while I desperately try to entertain him.
  • Maybe I can even learn a new skill, take a course, do more running. So many exciting opportunities.

But the thing is it feels like there’s so very many downsides:

  • No more toddler groups or day time playdates. I love them. Toddler groups = piss weak coffee, gossip and an entertained child – what’s not to love?
  • The final nail in the coffin for those early years. I’m not a mum with a baby or toddler. I can’t cling on to having a little tot running around. When you’ve been in that for years leaving it feels kinda odd.
  • We’ll never be in the cute phase again. Never in the same way anyway. The boychild currently calls Raphael from the Ninja Turtles ‘Fluffy Owl’. How adorable is that. We aren’t correcting him. By next September he won’t make those cute little errors that make me want to giggle. Sigh. He’ll be at school with bigger boys who’ll probably have him swearing by Christmas.
  • Currently he’s in that age where he doesn’t really care what people think of him. He bounces around and shouts and has so much fun. By school he’ll be more self aware, more concerned and more worried what people are thinking of him.
  • I won’t be in the baby crowd. Mums who smile in acknowledgement to those other mums with prams. I’m not part of that scene anymore. I’ll become one of those mums who refers to things like feeding and sleep patterns and anyone with a baby will just want me to shut up as I won’t be going through it with them at that time.
  • No more buggy. Jees that thing is a life saver. It’s the mum donkey we all love. I’ve had approximately 7 through my parenting life so far. It’s the ultimate accessory. How will I carry everything?
  • He won’t need me as much. *weeps* He’ll be more independent. He’ll have new friends and my role in getting him to school age will be done. A mum friend said to me once that raising children is basically a constant pushing them away from you and getting them prepared for the adult world. True and completely heartbreaking.
  • And mainly – he won’t be with me for most of the week. It’s like I’ll have to hand him over to the school system and they’ll have more influence than me. I just don’t know how I’ll cope.

Mr MotherFudger keeps saying every phase is wonderful and the kids move on and do such exciting new stuff that we have to appreciate. He’s right. But I’m not quite ready to let this huge big one of my son being by my side for most of the week pass just yet.

So for now, I’m going to linger just a little bit longer and wait a few more weeks while I stick my head in the sand before I have to admit defeat, fill in the form and continue to move forward for next September. And during that time I’m going to really savour the days I do get to have my little boy with me.

Or maybe I’ll just have to have another baby so I can do it all again?!*

*Absolutely no way, not at all, I’m totally done.

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2 thoughts on “I don’t want my son to grow up

  1. Aaaah my own darling baby girlchild. I watched you grow and move through all the stages of baby, toddler, child, teenager, young woman and now mother. All the stages are as wonderful as the other – just different. Enjoy each and everyone and watch you boychild grow up eventually into a wonderful man as you have grown into a wonderful woman. Be proud as I am. I am sure you will not be disappointed at any stage. You are doing a wonderful job my darling. Nanafudger xxx

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