I’ve just watched the second Fifty Shades film and it struck me just how similar my life is to Anastasia Steele. It’s like we’re besties.
For those of you who know me, I don’t hide my sheer love of the Fifty Shades trilogy – hell I celebrate it. I couldn’t give a toss how low-brow, low-rent it all is – it’s fun and the books were ace and the films not bad either. (Jamie Dornan = purr.)
But as I perved, sos, watched the film, I thoughts crumbs – our lives are basically parallel:
ANA – Size 6. Lots of very tight fitting dresses.
ME – Add a 1 in front of that 6 so basically the same and our clothes are so matchy matchy with the faded leggings I still wear five years after giving birth. People must think we’re twins.
OUR VEHICLE COLLECTION
ANA – The cars. All the cars. It’s basically a fleet of shiny vehicles.
ME – We have a fleet of vehicles too – it’s insane…
ANA – Able to ride in a helicopter at any time.
ME – Yup, us too! Erm kinda.
ANA – Beautiful, lacey, small, pretty.
ME – You know how hers are beautiful, ermm and lacey and small and pretty….you know in the supermarket you get those packs of 5 for £5. Yeah, think those but older than my daughter. But give Ana a few years and we’ll be Team Supermarket Undies together!
WHEN SHE SOLD HER CAR
ANA – Her old skool Beetle made $24000.
ME – My first car cost me approximately £2400 after I decided to replace pretty much everything under the bonnet because I loved it so much. See – basically the same numbers.
THE RED ROOM
ANA – Full of heaps of old things she’s not quite sure what they’re there for and has to keep asking Mr Grey.
ME – Well our red room is our study, which is also full of a load of old crap, mostly old electronics Mr MF refuses to bin, that I often pick up and ask why we have it and what it’s for, before he smiles and says it’s all totally essential.
THE LIFT SCENE
ANA – Snigger. Winky face.
ME – NEVER HAPPENED. EVER. Mentioned to Mr MotherFudger. He laughed and said that was ‘highly inappropriate’.
So I think you’ll agree, our lives basically mirror each other’s. Uncanny.